Aqua Teen Blunder Force

(If you're reading this outside of Boston, catch up here.)

I left work early today after my building's fire alarm sounded, just as the buzz was going around the office that 10 "suspicious devices" had been found scattered around Boston -- including every bridge into and out of the city limits. I left the Prudential Center to spot a police helicopter flying somewhere off to the East. My usually packed commute home was nearly empty.

As a progressive postmodernist, I understand that fear and terrorism are both concepts that are malleable and relative, but give me a fucking break - I was freaked out when there were fake bombs attached to every bridge I could conceivably use to get home tonight. I mean, who does that?!? I mean, besides global news and media cartels like Turner Broadcasting.

Well, according to Boston.com, eccentric artists do! Now, while most of our mayor's and governor's ire (and legal actions) are being directed, appropriately, towards Turner Broadcasting for today's Mooninite stunt, Boston.com has decided that as long as we have somebody under arrest for doing Turner's "dirty" work, it's their journalistic duty to profile the seedy underbelly of guerilla marketing, the master criminal mind that cleverly, um... was a poorly paid lackey in a multi-city advertising campaign.

Tonight, shortly after Martha Coakley arrested an Arlington artist who planted the Mooninite devices, Boston.com posted all of the juicy details, like where this guy went to art school, and that he graduated "with distinction." Obviously, the Globe is pretty desperate to provide some resolution to today's narrative. I can't even tell if this is a vilification of the artist as a stand-in for Turner's underwhelming apology. It's not even that vilifying. Had this man's employer actually sought approval from local authorities, he would have been rewarded for participating in a creative marketing campaign.

Even as it stands now, it is doubtful that anyone feels satisfied that he's in custody. But that's exactly what his role in the story is--to attempt to bring closure to the narrative, and in a satisfying way, because the actual events of today leave us with a postmodern sense of ambiguity.

Boston revs up the first responders like it's September 12th, later thinking it is likely a hoax, but at the day's end, there's no lone, industrious schizophrenic claiming responsibility. There's not even a performance artist proving a political point. We have the parent company of fucking CNN, the fucking news channel, admitting that they were advertising an obscure, niche market cartoon show, and admitting that they had been doing it for weeks. In several cities. And that all of us Bostonians had just gotten around to flipping out about it today. Oh, and by the way, "Sorry our news channel was unable to report that we were connected to the hoax -- you see, there's this horse that just died, and we were all so sad."

I don't know which take-home message is more dissatisfying: Big Media just pranked Boston for the sake of Commerce, or Big Media just terrorized Boston for the sake of Commerce. Either way, remember America: when you watch Aqua Teen Hunger Force, you let the terrorists win.

Just you wait until they cover Hotel California

Tricia Romano in the Village Voice puts forward some interesting (queer) theories about why the Scissor Sisters are deemed awesome by the entire United Kingdom and are relatively indie-obscure in little ol' America:

The "Can they break America?" question won't go away. They might be too dance-y to get radio play, or maybe they're too campy. But these are just code words for "too gay." Homophobia is the last refuge of accepted blatant prejudice in a country that has laws banning gay marriages. It probably didn't help that the Scissor Sisters' initial volley, "Comfortably Numb," takes a deified classic-rock band and turns them into a flamboyant punchline.

So can a band named after a lesbian sex act crack the mainstream here? The Observer's McLean doesn't think so: "If 'Take Your Mama' can't be a hit in the States, maybe they'll never be successful."

Lesbian sex acts aside, her readings of what the music industry deems as "too dancey" and "too campy" are apt. Indeed, certain genres come with a certain subcultural baggage that bigger labels simply don't want to carry. Romano's most plausible explanation of why the UK has managed to see past sexual orientation and appreciate the Scissor Sisters' music -- besides the fact that they've already legalized civil unions, thank god -- is the UK's musical tradition of campy and danceable rockers being part of the mainstream. Hell, not just part of the mainstream but part of the knighthood (see Elton John).

But the more interesting explanation that Romano is putting forward here is that the band's first hit - the dance cover of "Comfortably Numb" - was a gauntlet thrown down in front of the altar of the song's parents, Pink Floyd. The cover itself is by no means a parody or affront to the original -- the cover works uncannily well, updating a song originally lamenting heroin abuse into a song lamenting crystal meth abuse in the gay male community.

But if any pop genre has true, die-hard religious zealots, it is the Church of Classic Rock. You couldn't throw a rock into the Internet without hitting a classic rock fan who ceased to purchase new albums after 1980. And classic rock is largely responsible for Rockism, the idea that certain schools of rock criticism judge music by standards that were created through tradition and status quo and leave little room for diversity (personal or musical). What better way to explain a (possibly homophobic) indifference towards the Scissor Sisters than to frame their Pink Floyd cover as an unauthorized claim to Rockist iconography. Subconsciously, are the people who control most of the playlists in the U.S. (what, all two or three of them, right?) unfairly biased against Scissor Sisters because they've claimed a part of Classic Rock for gay dance culture, or even indie rock? I certainly think it may begin to explain why the Scissor Sisters have such a large following everywhere but the U.S. (See the link to Romano's article above for more details about the Sisters' success in foreign markets.)

It's even more confounding to remember that many Classic Rock Idols came from England, Pink Floyd included. If anyone has a right to feel territorial about a disco Comfortably Numb cover, it's the British. I would understand if the U.S. mainstream got all bent out of shape over the Sisters doing a dance remake of...oh I don't know...the Eagles.

...Ew.

I think I just made myself throw up in my mouth a little.

If you want to read more about Rockism, see this article by Jody Rosen in Slate.

Take Me To Your Leader

For those of you who have been following the latest in celebrity bigotry, here's Grey's Anatomy's Isaiah Washington, apologizing for the second time for using the word faggot publicly, and in front of his gay co-star:

I know the power of words, especially those that demean...I realize that by using one filled with disrespect I have hurt more than T. R. and my colleagues. With one word, I’ve hurt everyone who has struggled for the respect so many of us take for granted. I welcome the chance to meet with leaders of the gay and lesbian community to apologize in person and to talk about what I can do to heal the wounds I’ve opened.

To which I ask: does Washington deem his impact on the gay and lesbian community so profound that he is now the emissary to the United Queer Nations?

...Come to think of it, do I even have a leader? I don't remember any elections or caucuses. Or even a web-poll.

I don't mean to diminish the impact that celebrity hate speech has. Indeed, the two leaders that Washington did meet with (see this press release from GLAAD) appear to be using the whole debaucle to bring greater attention to important issues. But I would like to see Washington and others like him (Michael Richards, Mel Gibson) release statements that are even half-way sincere. In cases of hate speech, the burden of unlearning ignorance is both on the target and on the perpetrator. As a card carrying homo, I accept Washington's apology. But if I really do have "leaders," I really don't want to see them wasting their precious time conducting the diversity training that the cast and crew of Grey's Anatomy should be receiving. That's what human resource consultants are for, duh.

I'm not holding my breath, though. Hollywood is a homophobic institution and is, to some extent, probably using the opportunity Washington so stupidly provided them with to postpone any actual "healing" or systemic change.

Request for Proposals

Thanks to everyone who came out to show last night. Today I maintained my tradition of getting absolutely jack-shit done following a show, except for this lonely little blog post. Hooray!

The next show's going to be a hometown show at Skybar in Somerville. I call it a hometown show because I think it may technically be the closest music venue to my apartment. (Either that or Toad.) No more will you have to ride the T all the way across the Charles, because god knows the MBTA makes getting from SoCa (Somerville/Cambridge) to Boston more of an odyssey than it needs to be. I'm going to start working on a special Anti-Valentine's Day set and will gladly welcome any suggestions from ya'll about songs that rebel against the patently cheesy and commercial spirit of Valentine's Day. For instance, if there was a song by Maroon Five called "She Will Be Loved, But Only If I Don't Have To Hear This Song Again," I would maybe cover that.

Now, before my single friends start throwing rocks at me -- just because a person isn't single doesn't mean they can't appreciate that most venerable of traditions known as "Love Sucks" music. So pull out your old Nine Inch Nails, your pre-OK Computer Radiohead or what-have-you, and let me know if there are any particular heart strings I can pluck for you in a month or so. (Exact show details will go up on my calendar soon.)

You Look Like You Could Use A Night Out

Why don't you make it this Sunday?

Sunday, January 21st - 6-9pm*
Brand new Sunday night series at Kennedy's Midtown
$5 cover
42 Province St., Boston, MA
(MBTA to Park Street or Downtown Crossing)


*(I know, my online calendar still says doors at 6:30, but I'm still having some issues with my transition to the world of Macs. If anyone wants to donate Dreamweaver to me, I'll name my first dog after you.)

Debunking The Old Indigo Girls Stereotype

I wanted to direct your attention to this PopMatters article, an argument for the existence of a lesbian fan base for Barbara Streisand. In particular, we get a laundry list of characteristics that all lesbian icons supposedly share, most of which fit the typical mold of strong female characters (or women who play them on TV). Surprises among the list were Tina Fey and Martha Stewart. (Yes, Martha Stewart!)

It's a shame the columnist limited the argument to lesbians since the laundry list is actually a fairly good litmus test for gay icons as well ( dead and historical ones excluded, I think). In everything from politics to arts & culture to academia, there's historically been tension between the gay and lesbian subcommunities (I'll call them subcommunities here because I don't believe they are as easy to separate as some would argue). This is even more noticeable amongst older generations, who, in my imagination, had to put up with each other during early NGLTF and HRC meetings, ruffling each others' feathers, the men oblivious to feminist politics, the women oblivious to why the men wore so many jean shorts... if only they had a common pantheon of celebrity idols to worship!

But the odd thing about most gay and lesbian icons are that they are not themselves gay or lesbian (or not openly so). If you're not a straight woman, you face an uphill battle getting your Gay/Lesbian Icon card. Which leads me to think that the reason why it has taken so long for lesbians and gay men to unite in common idolatry is that the strong female archetype has not been available to straight women until recently. Even today, many hetero women who are assertive, self-confident, or just plain self-reliant are suspected of lying about their sexual orientation. Well, depending on how long their hair is. But still, most female celebrities have sculpted careers where for every " The Breakup" there's a "Friends With Money."

Which brings me to my question: does queer culture rely too heavily on the heterosexuality of its iconography to keep itself alive? Have gay and lesbian pop culture icons merged now because heterosexual women have more license to be assertive and smart? Or is there another secret ingredient to the making of an icon?

Calluses and Secrets

A quick update this week. I'm working on transitioning myself from a PC to a Mac, which is joyful but distracting. I'm learning a little bit of Garage Band right now, with the hope at some point to be able to post rough cuts of new songs on the site. I'll be starting work on my next recording project this summer so there will be something besides my solo demo to listen to.

I also started the guitar-learning, as I mentioned in my last post, and have already lost a little bit of feeling in two of my fingers. (Guitarists, is that a good thing?) The only calluses I have on my hands from piano playing are so old that I can't remember what they felt like when they started. I hope they like their new friends on the tips of my left hand. But I've already begun to see the raw appeal of being able to just strum the hell out of the thing and not have to worry about things like the chord voicing, or the bass/treble balance. In a nutshell, it's been relaxing going back to such a rudimentary level on an instrument. In my songwriting for piano, there's always a point with a song where I start deconstructing and analyzing what I'm playing, and obviously with guitar there's no need for that. The goal is to be able to get from E minor to A minor right now. Huzzah for short-term goals!

In other news, I may be playing a super secret show (ok, not show so much) at my staff holiday party this Friday, once all of my coworkers are drunk on $6 glasses of bad hotel wine, if we're able to hijack the Westin's piano, and I'm able to keep up with spontaneous karaoke requests. If you're in Bar 10 and you hear a bunch of queer kids belting pop songs, you found us. My next non-secret hijacked show is coming up on Sunday, January 21st -- stay tuned for detes.

Gregorian Arbitrariness

Well, every damn blog in the world is getting an update in the first week of 2007, so I better not miss this train. There's something refreshingly arbitrary about a time of year when everyone feels compelled to drop bad habits, pick up good ones, and make promises to oneself that you're prepared to put some token effort into keeping -- all of it just connected to a date on the calendar. To be fair, I suppose we have other traditions that only revolve around a date: Cinco de Mayo, 4th of July. But those commemorate an anniversary of an event, and New Year's Day commemorates the anniversary of itself. (Of course, there are New Year's traditions in non-Gregorian calendars that have more cultural significance than a federal holiday and pre-date the solar New Year, but they still get celebrated on their own.)

I already had a semi-resolution in my last post before the holidays, but I'll throw another one out there: I'm learning guitar. This is my arbitrary new thing for the new year. My former other-half of Dead White Rabbit is trading me one neglected middle school alto sax for one slightly-less-neglected electric guitar. I feel bad because he restrung the guitar for me, and as for my sax, I think my reeds might be old enough to qualify as petrified wood, but he also gets the satisfaction of watching me finally break down and finally learn the most common instrument on the planet.

I've held out for a long time because I take an anachronistic pride in not learning guitar. There was a time when piano and not guitar was the lingua franca of the music world, was the cornerstone of parlor music and entertainment, but that's a train I missed by more than a day or two. But in a strange way, I've noticed that that generic, sand-colored acoustic guitar has taken on a similar role to living room pianos. People will own them without playing them (except, perhaps, during their New Year's resolutions-keeping-period), and their owners will light up when someone who can play the instrument comes to their house and plays something, anything, as long as it sounds familiar and musical. So the torch of the neglected furniture instrument is passed from the piano to the guitar, and I feel a little more sympathy for that plight.

...even if any open mic night would have you believe they just give acoustic guitars away on the street, like Metro newspapers.